I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
