She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
