I think my vagina is haunted
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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