I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
