My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
