If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
