Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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