She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
