also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
