A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
