I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
