Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
