absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
