I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
