those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Randomize
