We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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