Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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