there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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