My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
