just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
