Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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