Porn is love you can see.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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