There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
