I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
