if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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