your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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