God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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