Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
