those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
