Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
