I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
