its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
