why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
