I'm drive I can fine osifer
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
