If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
as a side note pls kill me
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
