when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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