what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
