are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Go christen that room with your naked body.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
