so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
