There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
