I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
