No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
