Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
This is my gift to your gina
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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