dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
