I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
