Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
