Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize
