This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
