god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
