Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
