WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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