video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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